FlyLady http://flylady.net/ says today is anti-procrastination day. So I have finally booked a doctor’s appointment because I think one of my surgery ‘wounds’ is infected (nice). I’ve also been trying to find curtains on ebay for our bedroom, because I’d rather not be woken at 4am just because the sun is up. I’m not very good at spending money, but I’m conflicted because this time I’d like something that I can wake up to and think ‘that’s nice’ instead of always having to make do. I am not sure how to figure out a reasonable amount to spend. My inner scrooge instinct tells me to pay no more than a tenner for anything.

I also called the OU regional office to get them to send a ‘special circumstances’ form because I’d be gutted if I didn’t pass my Maths course just because I’ve had to have this surgery, etc. Honestly – all the inconvenience it’s caused! I don’t think I will not pass, but it’s probably sensible to fill in the form anyway. I had a look at some of the questions for the

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FINAL TMA 

(Tutor Marked Assignment) and I reckon I’ll be ok, I just need to revise a little. There’s also a day school on Saturday, so that should help. Distance learning is fun, but hard work.

And I have done something that I have been putting off for a while. I need to know if my ex-husband is still living in the same town. We avoid that town like the Fukushima plant. I have no desire to ‘bump into’ him, or even view him from a distance. I have the unavoidable task of driving through the place sometimes and hate the way it makes me paranoid when I see any male who looks remotely like him It’s not healthy. So my mother suggested I phone and find out if he is still in the area, or if he has moved, because if he has moved I am paranoid for nothing.

It was worse. We used to live there. How can a convicted paedophile be sent back to the same town as his victim?! It is beyond me. So many stories of people suing over ridiculous things… who do I sue for the long-term trauma this has had on my family? Maybe we’re just not rich enough for it to matter? They just called me back to say he is still in that area, so it’s still our family’s Fukushima and we will still have to be very careful. Ain’t paranoia fun?

Anyway, let’s leave that there. I don’t want to walk a life of bitterness. Life is hard enough. I am preparing to do something even more difficult. Or maybe it won’t be. Maybe after all these years it will simply be a relief. But it’s not going to be easy. I can’t say too much because I have no desire to jeopardise any legal outcome. But if you’re of a mind to pray for justice… pray for me, and my family – for strength, for courage, for the truth to be known, for corruption/incompetence to be brought to light, for those who have done wrong to understand the consequences of their actions…

and for healing that only comes from God.

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