Sometimes I grieve for the past. I grieve for the child that was, the young woman that was, and all that she could have been. She showed so much promise.

And then I say sod that for a game of soldiers… I’m not playing the regret game. No one can turn the clock back, so I just have to know what I know: that for those who hurt me… well, things can bite you on the backside when you least expect. I don’t want revenge, but justice belongs to God.

Today I spent five hours at an Open University day school, as part of my course. It was the first time since I began that I realised – I am an undergraduate (it never seemed quite real before). I am a mature student. I am working my way, slowly, towards my very own degree. I am clawing back one thing, at least, that was stolen from me. I am proud of myself!

I also realised how much I enjoyed it.


Maths is the stuff of the universe. Everything depends on it. Stephen Hawking wouldn’t get very far without maths, no biologist, no geologist, no chemist, no astronomer, etc. You wouldn’t even have a toaster without mathematics. Maths is the language of being. It exists as a truth with no moral frame, it is by its nature exacting, truthful, yet outside morality, outside humanity. It has an inviolable purity. Maths is beautiful.