Good grief we are only in what, the third week of the summer holidays? How many more weeks of this are there, again? Four!

HRH has been the best behaved. Mind you, he’s also been away for a fortnight with his grandparents. Nana in particular spoils him rotten. Which is what grandparents are for.

This morning Tink asked me why we live in a kingdom.

“Because we have a queen.” I replied.

“What happens when she dies? Will it still be a kingdom?”

“Yes, because Prince Charles will become King Charles.”

Squidge suddenly bursts in, spills my lovely graze box pumpkin seeds, and yells at Tink, “I’m gonna get you in your nuts!”

I was shocked. “Where did you hear that language?! Besides, she doesn’t have any, she’s a girl.”

“Came in to give you this, Mummy.” Squidge announced.

I took the piece of paper with rainbow-coloured felt tip letters all over it. It reads:

To, Mumy [sic]

I have learnt my leason please let me go to the field other-wise I’ll be winjing all day and you dont like that so please can I, please, please can I

Love from Squidge XXXXXXXXXX

On the back it says ‘sorry card’

Simultaneously, both girls then burst into a chorus of “Dustmites in my mouuuuuuth….” 

What the…?

Must be something in the water.